-Seth, Josh, we have something
we’d like to apologize to you two about.
-Okay. -Both myself and your mother are currently on Ecstasy. [ Laughter and applause ] -Well, technically,
your father’s on moon rocks, and I just dropped
a little bit of acid. -Okay.
[ Laughter and applause ] You guys are high
right now? -It — It’s the only way
we can get through your show. -[ Laughing ] Okay. ♪♪ -Big Steelers fans. We’re gonna go see
the Steelers — we’ll watch the game
on Sunday, at the apartment. But now — I get asked this
all the time, ’cause I talk about the Steelers
on the show. Josh and I barely ever
lived in Pittsburgh. As someone from Pittsburgh,
why was it important that your kids
love the Steelers? -Well, because you were gonna
live in my house, and, um… the notion that I would have
a couple Patriots fans in my house
was unacceptable. And I had to feed you,
otherwise — They put you in jail
in New Hampshire if you don’t feed
your children. And so, I felt that, if I was
gonna go to that expense, I should get something for it.
-Yeah. What’s your name?
And how old are you, Daniela? -I’m 8.
-You’re 8 years old. Do you have a favorite song? -No.
-Gotcha. Do you want to hear
our favorite song? -Sure.
[ Laughs ] -♪ I wanna rock right now ♪ ♪ I’m Rob Base,
and I came to get down ♪ ♪ I’m not
internationally known ♪ ♪ But I’m known to rock
the microphone ♪ ♪ Because I get stupid,
I mean outrageous ♪ ♪ Stay away from me
if you’re contagious ♪ ♪ ‘Cause I’m the winner,
no, I’m not a loser ♪ ♪ To be an emcee
is what I choose-a ♪ ♪ Ladies love me,
girls adore me ♪ ♪ I mean even the ones
who never saw me ♪ ♪ Like the way that
I rhyme at a show ♪ ♪ The reason why, man,
I don’t know ♪ ♪ So let’s go now ♪ [ Laughter ] -Back in my day, there was
no legalized medical marijuana in our home state
of New Hampshire. It was illegal. And that’s why Seth was
suspended in high school. I’m sorry you had to find out
like this, Mom and Dad — and on Thanksgiving, no less.
-Seth, no. -Back in my day,
the President’s staff wasn’t ratting him out
to the FBI. Josh was ratting me out
to Mom and Dad because he’s a kiss-ass punk. [ Laughter ] -We’ve been having so much fun
day-drinking in Brooklyn that we decided
to take advantage of one of our greatest
natural resources — hats. -Hats. -Real quick, let the camera know
what you think about hats. -I don’t like hats.
Hats are [bleep] up. [ Laughter ] You two look like the cover of
a 1960’s Barbra Streisand album. -Thank you. -I regret to inform you
that the hunt has been canceled. There has been…a murder. -[ Gasps ] Murder?! -In seventh grade, you had to write
a family history, which all the kids did. It was a big
year-end project. And other kids
are interviewing their grandmothers
and grandfathers. And so, we kept saying to you,
“How’s it coming?” You’d say, “Yeah.
It’s coming.” The school year was over, and Hilary’s cleaning out
the backpack. And I come home from work,
and she said, “Here’s the family history.” So, I start.
I read the first page. At the bottom, it says,
“I can’t wait to turn the page.” The teacher wrote this. So, we flip it.
Read the second page. And at the bottom it says,
“What an interesting family.” Now, the highlight
of the second page was that my — my grandmother,
who immigrated from Lithuania, with about two kopeks
to her name — according to his history,
she was an Olympic equestrian. [ Laughter ] And anyway… You know, it’s seventh grade.
It’s four or five pages. And he comes home that night,
and I remember saying to you, I said, “Well,
I read your family history.” And you said, “Yeah, I got an A.
It was really good.” And I said,
“Yeah, but it’s not our family.” And he said, “What were they
gonna do, fact-check it?” [ Laughter ] -And now,
to show off my French, my mom and I are gonna
do a scene from a French
new-wave film. -[ Speaking French ]
-[ Speaking French ] -But then,
you switched up the game, and you just started
buying yourselves gifts, and then, pretending to
give them to one another. -Yeah.
-Right. -They were so confused. She would open some present,
and she says, “Oh, I love this!” And then, I would open it,
and say, “How did you know?” And they’re looking at
one another like, “Am I in the right house?” -Yeah.
-‘Cause we didn’t tell them. -We figured it out
immediately. It was, like, two gifts in
that we were like, “What’s going on?” -Because you would also —
You would open a gift, and say how much
you loved it, and Mom would be looking at it
as if, and truly, for the first time.
-Yeah. -She would be like,
“What? Oh, yeah. Yeah.” -I remember this one
from a few years ago, which happened in front of
my wife and her sister, and they’ve
never forgotten — which is, you had labeled —
It was a gift to me. And I took it out,
and it was a sweater. And you said, “Try it on.” And so, I put on this sweater,
and it was super tight, and it, like, went to here. And then, I walked out,
and I was like “I don’t know.” And then, you said, “Oh, that’s
a dress I bought for your mom.” [ Laughter ] It was like, “Why?
Why did you make me do this? I’m 38. I’m standing
in front of my wife wearing my mom’s dress. She’s never gonna let me
hear the end of it.” -You stir this up.
-Okay. -And then, you put it
in a 300-degree oven, and every 15 minutes —
well, you only do it twice. Two times — Wait a minute.
10 minutes — you take it out,
’cause sometimes, it’s getting too crunchy. However, these are
the best bits, when they’re kind of burnt, and they stick together — like, the Worcestershire
kind of glues them together. -Uh-huh. -So, they have a real
salty taste. -Well, they say food’s
really good for you if anything looks glued. -Yeah?
So, that’s all good. -Okay. -So, then, —
Wait a minute. I’ve got to eat some of this.
-Okay. -Yeah, that’s about it.
-Okay, so… [ Laughter ] -Right? -And so, you went to a culinary
school to learn how to do this? [ Laughter ] -Well, no. -Josh, the Meyers family
has had eight family dogs — Daisy, Tulip, Bell,
and five old English sheepdogs, all named Albert. Josh, name my favorite
of all those dogs. -Albert. -I need a specific Albert. -Albert — I’m gonna say
Albert III. -Mom?
-Albert II. -Nicely done, Mom. Albert II. Dad, this is not
a quiz question, but do you want to tell
everybody, real quick, why we had to name
all of our sheepdogs Albert? -‘Cause I like
the name Albert. -There you go. [ Laughter ] Trying explaining that
to your friends at school. [ Laughter ] We’re gonna go in reverse order
for the last round. Josh, what would Mom call
a sexy girl? -A va-va-va voom girl. -Cassandra? [ Laughter ]