White House Honors Military Dog Used in ISIS Raid

White House Honors Military Dog Used in ISIS Raid

-Let’s get to the news. The White House held an event
this afternoon to honor the military dog
used in the raid on the leader of ISIS. Of course, the poor thing had no
idea what was going on. And neither did the dog. According to reports, Republican
Congressman Devin Nunes went to Europe last year and met
with Ukrainian sources to dig up dirt on former
Vice President Joe Biden. Wait. So you were overseeing
the impeachment inquiry and you were part of the thing
he’s being impeached for? This is like if the judge of the
O.J. trial had been the glove. President Trump had a
private lunch this afternoon with Vice President Mike Pence. It was so private,
even Trump wasn’t there. “I’ll have some more bread
while I wait.” The White House
has announced the names of this year’s
National Thanksgiving Turkeys, and you guessed it —
it’s Lev and Igor. Tesla unveiled its new electric
pickup truck on Thursday, and Elon Musk
tried to demonstrate the truck’s resilience
by having a designer throw metal balls at its
windows, which then shattered. Said Musk,
“My thinly veiled masculinity!” IKEA —
[ Cheers and applause ] IKEA held a promotional event
recently to show how its furniture
could be used to outfit future settlements on Mars. So it’s gonna be extra annoying
when you get home and realize
you’re missing a peg. “Oh! Oh, no! Honey, I got to go
back to Earth.” According to the latest numbers,
“Frozen 2” has achieved the largest opening box office
of any animated film in history. And If you want to know how
they’re celebrating, that ain’t snow. [ Cheers and applause ] It’s cocaine. Finally, “The New York Times”
published an op-ed yesterday encouraging people to turn off
their phones for Thanksgiving, because, trust them,
you’ll be thankful you did.

11 thoughts on “White House Honors Military Dog Used in ISIS Raid

  1. That moment when the dog is the smartest being in the group.

    Edit: Also I doubt Mother would be happy with all that heavy petting from Pence.

  2. Must have been hard for Trump, being forced to give that attention stealing dog a medal. Remember, he got all the credit for the Al-Baghdadi killing, Trump got none (:

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